Rancho La Puerta Cooking School, Nov. 2007
I Am A Cook
But I wasn't always a Cook. Until the age of 19 or thereabouts, I was a Can't-Cook. Growing up, cooking meant throwing together the contents of a few cans into a crock pot along with some hamburger or chicken parts. More creative attempts nearly always fell flat--if I never eat another Porcupine Meatball drowning in BBQ sauce or another gray "stuffed green pepper," I will count myself among those favored by The Creator Of Your Choice.
I didn't really start trying to cook until Sophomore year of college, when I moved into an apartment to formally shack up with my then-fiance--a smart-ass Chicagoan who looked like Kevin Bacon, shared my passions for theatre and politics (OK, I overlooked his Republicanism because he looked like Kevin Bacon!), had a full roster of stories about his year as a House page to Dan Rostenkowski, smoked three packs a day, and would break off our engagement (and eventually drop out of school) a few years later, after a spectacular manic-depressive breakdown. [sigh]
Where was I?
Oh, yes, I was learning to be a Cook.
Phase One: Baby Steps
Kevin Bacon and I kept our full-scholarship meal plans and generally ate weekday breakfast and lunch in the dorms (heck, we were already on campus), but lived far enough off campus that walking to and from dorm for dinner was a pain. Especially in the winter.
So, early on in our official cohabitation (not to be confused with Freshman year, when I'd essentially lived as a permanent stowaway in the dorm room he shared with two other guys*) we loaded ourselves into his metallic brown '77 Coupe de Ville, headed to Wal*Mart (maybe Pamida?) and stocked up on pots and pans and knives and plates and forks and spoons.
I wasn't picky; I didn't know that I should be. A pan is a pan is a pan, right? So, I picked up a nonstick 10" saute pan (still called it a "frying pan" back in those days when I didn't know any better), a Revereware 2 1/2 quart copper-bottomed saucepan, a canner that doubled as a pasta cooker/soup pot. Grabbed a couple of spatulas and wooden spoons, a souper scooper, and voila! First kitchen.
Next Step: Stock The Kitchen
In the beginning, I cooked with a lot of Campbell's Soup.
I'd inherited (from Dad and his mother) a small collection of Catholic parish cookbooks--ring-bound collections of parishoner recipes, printed and sold for fundraisers. The Sisters of St. Petrie Cookbook (1980), St. Anthony's Bicentennial Family Dinners (1976). That sort of thing.
To this day, if you hand me a few cans of Campbell's Cream-of-Something-or-Other, I can whip up at least seven or eight sloshy-yet-distinct entrees. (I willNOT make the grotesque culinary travesty that is Green Bean Casserole, however. Grean Bean Casserole is a gastric affront to all humanity.)
Yuck.
Eventually I started getting a few more things into the cabinets. Cornmeal, flour, sugar, salt, pepper (ugh--the preground Dust-in-a-Can), a few dried herbs and spices, tomato products.
Thus equipped, I began teaching myself to cook. While I have dim memories of watching Julia Child as a child, there was really no cooking instruction on television in 1988 that I can recall. At least, not on the channels I could afford to receive. So, I read the recipe, did what it said, and hoped.
Spaghetti sauce seemed like the right place to start. Really, you can't screw up spaghetti sauce unless you walk away from it for 25 minutes on high flame. That first success came easy. Compliments from Kevin Bacon and our former Freshman roommate, a sweet Nebraska boy I'll call Christian Overnight DJ (because he was) flowed freely. Hey!, thought I. That wasn't hard at all. But they think it was! Whoo hoo!
I was hooked.
Soon I was making recipes that did not call for ground beef, or Lipton's Onion Soup Mix, or Accent. The compliments from Kevin and Christian kept coming, as they also did from other friends who didn't want to eat in the dorm. They kept eating, I kept cooking. A self-reinforcing cycle.
When I think back on how I cooked then (1 can tomatoes, 1 can tomato paste, 1 can mushrooms), I cringe.
Then I (finally!) got a real cookbook.
Phase Two: Upgrading
Meanwhile, Out West, back where Mom lived, things were looking up, too. She'd met and moved in with a guy who not only could cook, but Was A Cook. He had (still has, actually) a staggering set of heavy Mauviel French copper cookware--dozens of pieces (if you click through, you'll understand the capital investment that represents), ranging from a tiny one-cup butter warmer to a monstrous 24-quart stock pot, and everything in between.
He also had a complete set of heavy, sharp, expensive knives, a sharpening steel, and a collection of well over 300 cookbooks (some in French).
On holiday breaks and during the summertime, cooking with Mr. Cook was a revelation. The Christmas of my Junior year, we had roast Goose with all the trimmings for the big day, and Rabbit in Mustard sauce for New Year. The following Spring Break, he introduced me to cassoulet. I was beginning a love affair with food that is still ongoing.
Lo and behold, Mom's cooking was improving too. Go figure. It's not that she'd been a naturally lousy cook in the 70s--she simply had lousy tools.
Now Hear This: It Is Nearly Impossible to Cook Well with Bad Pans and Bad Knives. (Also with cookbooks that rely on Campbell's Soup.)
The Cook vs. The Can't Cook
Used to be, when somebody told me he or she "can't cook," my first impulse was to try to fix the situation and get all histrionically helpful.
You poor thing! What do you mean you can't cook? Why not? Do you need lessons? Cookbooks? I can lend you cookbooks...oh maybe it's your pans! What kind of pans do you have? Because you know thin nasty pans like those stupid Revere things my mom had with copper-colored bottoms are useless and things are going to burn and when they burn you're going to blame yourself but no really it isn't you it's your pans you wouldn't believe how many people think they can't cook but all they need is a decent set of pans...
Alas, I've learned that there are two very distinct Can't-Cook subspecies: The Clan of the Contented Can't-Cook and The Clan of the Regretful Can't-Cook. Members of the first clan are happy with their status as a Can't-Cook; they've never learned, have no desire to, and (this is important) no reason to:
- They've got somebody else in their life who's The Cook
- They really don't mind eating ramen or microwaved frozen meals day in, day out
- They're well-off-enough to pay four to ten times more to eat well than Cooks do
This Clan is really OK with not cooking and includes many people near and dear to my heart. No judgment. If I sense I've just started to spout Yes-You-CAN advice to a Contented Can't-Cook, I put a sock in it pronto.
But for Regretful Can't-Cooks--those who genuinely would like to be able to cook but are intimidated, discouraged, inexperienced--I offer the following advice.
- Avail yourself of any cooking classes you can get your hands on.Learning to cook the right way in the first place (i.e., with decent knives and pans and somebody to watch over you as you learn to use them) is infinitely preferable to un-learning old habits. In San Diego, the community college district offers free cooking and knife skills classes through its Culinary Arts program.
- Avail yourself of the plethora of good cooking instruction available on DVD and TV. You can still learn from Julia, you know. The fact that she hasn't been on the air for 30 years won't stop you. Alton Brown will tell you not only how to do something, but why it works. There are nuggets to be gleaned from much of the programming on FoodTV (although I despise Rachel Ray with all the heat of the earth's core, I "get" that beginning cooks can benefit). Learning to cook today is immeasurably easier than learning to cook in the 70s or 80s. Saveur!
- Cook with somebody who's good at it, and loves it. My final step on the journey to becoming A Cook was living upstairs/downstairs from a former prof of mine, on a second tour of duty in my college town (Husband #1 was now attending for his first degree). June had lived and cooked in New Orleans for years, was an incorrigible foodie, had more kitchen- and dinnerware than clothing, and is still one of the five funniest human beings I've ever had the pleasure to know. Cooking with her 5-7 nights a week (Cajun, Creole, breads, pastries, homemade chicken stock reduced to a syrup...) helped me "hardwire" cooking to the point that all of my glorious cookbooks are but pretty decorations in the dining room.
Kitchen Equipment I Can't Live Without
OK, this entire post so far? Was supposed to be a five-line intro to the following list of my Indispensable Kitchen Gadgets.
One Very Large Chef's Knife. 12" or 14". High-Carbon Steel. Take care of it. Never put it in the dishwasher. Straighten the edge with a steel every time you use it. You will leave this to somebody in your will. It's that precious. Makes short work of cutting a whole chicken in half, hand-chopping mounds of vegetables, cutting open squash before roasting.
Garlic Press. You could hand-mince garlic. But why?
Multi-veggie chopper. Yes, the first time I saw this gadget, I thought, "Well, that's pretty stupid. I can cut onions and stuff up by hand." Which I can. But I can't do it as quickly, and I can't make every single piece of something exactly the same dimension. There is a three-colored bell pepper salad (balsamic vinaigrette, cilantro or arugula, goat cheese) that turns out looking positively restaurant-ready when I cube the peppers with this little contraption. I love it.
A silpat to make your cookie sheets un-sticky and keep them non-nasty. Also useful under racked high-temp roasts, to keep the drippings from becoming pure coal.
A potato ricer is the key to perfect mashed potatoes. Get one with interchangeable plates; the larger-holed plate is the key to perfect spaetzel.
Good old-fashioned citrus juicer. Get every last drop out of those lemons and limes and oranges and grapefruits. Plus, morning juice: 4 cold oranges, 1 glass. Bliss.
A Japanese intelligent fuzzy-logic rice cooker. Before I had one, I couldn't imagine what I'd do with one. Having had one, I cannot imagine being without. Also makes great Irish Oatmeal.
A salad spinner makes sure your salad stays un-soggy. Also a critical component of shredded or sliced potatoes that you wish to make crispy.
*Updated! Now with [mumble] percent more gadgets!*
*Yes, I realize I just outed myself as a college rule-breaker. I lived illegally the men's dorm my entire Freshman year. I hid in the closet during midnight fire drills. Now that I've confessed, I hope the statute of limitations has run out. They can't take my degree away, can they???
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Comments
Man!.......... this is a finely crafted post! Funny and charming as well.
If not, will you leave me your knife in your will?
Spud, it's true: Cooking without Lipton's is a Good Thing. :-)
I'm heading out to dinner soon (second time in six months!) or so but just wanted to say thanks for the nice words.
We made the mistake of not expanding our kitchen into a larger room than the Galley shape it is. LJ and I run into each other and it is nerve- wracking.
You are the bomb, woman.
Cartouche, I have several squash sitting around waiting to be roasted and turned into something this Friday. I think you've just decided for me. (Only it'll be more stilton than gorgonzola...)
:-)
Please?
FeatheredThing, here's what our friends over at McCanns Oats say, and I've validated.
For 2 - 3 servings
Add 1 cup dry steel cut oats to 2 cups + 3oz water (19 oz.) Set rice cooker to the oatmeal (porridge) setting, and also use the pre-washed rice setting. (Using the pre-washed rice setting along with the porridge setting, minimizes the tendency of the oats to boil over*.)
Stir the oats halfway through the cooking cycle.
This is absolutely wonderful!!! Great, great, great job!!!
love this post, and great advice.
;-)
Hugs. GREAT Photo
(rated) Will you teach me one day?
Greg
I cannot cook myself, mainly because I'm not that good at it. But, after the Kid was born, I've been reapplying myself to it. I tried making soup this week in the crockpot. Alas, the stomach flu killed the whole thing about halfway through but still it was a start.
Well, I did get a rice cooker for Christmas, but otherwise, my list of necessary gadgets is very different. Partly, it's an age thing, but I've learned that I need those rubber things for opening up jars, and I recently invested in a Kitchen-Aid can-opener, which has drastically improved my QOL.
My most important piece of technology when it comes to cooking? Google! I'm always needing to revise a recipe, so that I can eat it, and in this, as in so many other things, Google is my friend.
We do have some decent knives and more recently, a couple of heavy-duty cutting boards that were "saved" from the opening cut out of our butcher-block countertop a year and half ago. I mostly use them one I'm making vegetable soup.
I've never had a salad spinner. When I was in high school a friend's mother showed me how she wrapped the freshly washed lettuce in layers of paper towels or linen towels, and then put them in a plastic bag in the vegetable crisper. They always came out crisp and dry.
My favourite gadget (and it's cheap!) is a good, comfortable to grip lemon zester. The kind that has little sharp holes that you drag along the rind. I can't imagine how I ever survived without it.
But what about the cooking tip of sipping a nice wine while you are cooking? ;-)
My nephew took culinary arts at his high school for 2 years, and took it quite seriously. A few years back, we were at my mom's for dinner, and she gave him the honour of serving the meat (can't remember what it was). So he asks,"Where is the French knife?" My Mom looks at me, I look at my sister. French knife, what the heck is a French knife?"
The line about starting with Campbell's soup---must be some sort of right of passage.
I was saved from the bad pan thing only because my parents had a restaurant, and I stocked my first kitchen from theirs.
Cooking is one of my favorite things. It relaxes me. And I love it that people are always wanting me to cook for them.
Everyone in my family cooked. Mom, Dad, all 3 brothers. Everyone. Elaborately. I was the youngest kid---barely knew how to boil water---and really had no desire to learn to cook, because mostly all I had to do was point and grunt, and someone would take care of my needs.
Then, when I was in 7th or 8th grade, I started cooking for myself and my friends after school. I could make one thing. Spaghetti sauce. No recipe. No thinking about it. It was as if my hands had a mind of there own. Like I had absorbed the preparation.
Like I said, I loved this story---I definitely "get" it.
I have every product you have on this page, plus a plethora of cookbooks. I love the Salad Spinner but, it's large and a pain for storage with everything else I have. A friend hooked me on the rice cooker, love it. I've also got a large, heavy wood cutting board that I would never part with.
I saw the Multi-Veggie Chopper advertised, can't live without it! Very precise chopping, easy to clean gadget. You are so right about not placing good knives in the dishwasher!
I usually use the pepper grinder but, have you ever tried McCormick's Seasoned Pepper? Love it!
We had roasted goose and duck for Christmas dinner. I would much rather cook for a crowd than dine in a restaurant any day! I have a friend who always gives me awesome recipes to try and that makes it interesting trying different things.
I have never heard of Irish Oatmeal. What is so different about it?
Thanks for a great post and Happy Cooking!
But he's not you. I'm not you. Nobody is you. This post just totally rocks! I was already having such a good time, but this put me over the top: OK, this entire post so far? Was supposed to be a five-line intro to the following list of my Indispensable Kitchen Gadgets.
And btw, you have some serious beauty goin on there, toots. I'm officially out: girl crush.
So I'm just addressing direct questions, but THANK YOU EVERYBODY for stopping by and including some of your own indispensables, too!
Peppermint: You really only need 4 or 5 knives to start: A paring knife (3" or 4"), a boning knife, a bread knife, and two chefs' knives (8" and BIG ASS). Overstock frequently sells good brands for reasonable prices. Look for full-tang construction (this means the metal blade isn't just stuck into a handle--the blade IS a part of the handle, with the wooden bits of the handle attached through the blade metal).
bbd, sorry about the construction project/broken blender! I finally ponied up $350 for a pseudo-industrial blender last Xmas and it's da bomb...
undertow, a high-carbon steel blade (NOT stainless steel) will rust and pit pretty much if it gets near a dishwasher (or if it's allowed to "air dry.") You want high-carbon steel because it's soft and malleable and easier to keep sharp with a steel, rather than the harder stainless.
JustPam, Irish oatmeal is whole oats, cracked but not rolled. The difference between nutty, chewy Irish oats and Quaker is the difference between Easter Bunny Chocolate and a fine 70% cacao bar from a registered microclimate in South America.
Sally, we might be able to freak out Mishima666 and get some sort of seriously twisted "marriage equivalent" going on with Brian. ;-)
And finally, dcv, the chopper contraption is probably 9" long by 5" across by 3" deep and can hold a good three onions (or four peppers) before you have to dump the contents elsewhere. Worth every penny.
New Orleans . Never been to a place in my life like it , where GREAT
food is everyones passion . As far as instruction , I sometimes find
myself watching the food channel for hours on end . From Emeril
( New Orleans , ahhhh ) to that Paula chick from Texas who most
definitely makes the highest fat meals you can imagine ( and you
can see that she definitely eats her own cooking ) . I'm with you
too on Rachel Ray , if I ever have to hear her say one more time ,
in that irritating voice ..." EVOO" , I will puke .
Thanks for the great post .
tp
My ex hated cooking so she figured if she turned up the heat
she would be done quicker .
HAHAHAHHAHA! This is the dish I always bring to family functions because I suck at cooking =D
It is pretty nasty. I don't actually eat it. I just like to contribute.
This was an awesome article. I think you should have an EP sittin up in the corner.
(If the latter, I can give you a veggie recipe to take to family functions.)
Trig, your name never ceases to crack me up. But I'm glad to know you're cookin' up some caribou or moose or something up there in AK.
My can't live without gadgets are ice cream scoops in 3 sizes:
Cookies for Chocoholic Husband, cookies for 5 yo Her Maj, and one the right size for cupcakes.
I hear you on the kitchen expansion - one of the better things in my life was escaping a galley style kitchen when we bought our house. (Although I still want a better oven, dammit!)
Without gadgets, we might as well all be beasts in the fields.
Wouldn't it be fabulous to gather OS'ers around an actual table sometime and share food? Such a delightful thought. We have some amazing cooks here.
I'm still thinking about and remembering your post, VR, about the delivery of the local farm sha